And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
