Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
