I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
