you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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