i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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