dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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