Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
