I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
