she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
