and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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