Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
