At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
