Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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