just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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