I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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