If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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