Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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