Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
