May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
