how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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