By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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