Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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