Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
