we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
my liver is dry heaving
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
