The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
