I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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