I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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