She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
