were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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