She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my parents said I crawled through the house
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize