he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
