Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
