so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize