I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
