ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
