I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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