Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
