So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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