i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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