youre lurking in front of me
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I checked into jail on foursquare
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
