Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
