I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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