my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
