soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
