tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.