i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me