does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Randomize
