i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.