Texts From Last Night

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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting

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  (401): I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting http://tfl.nu/c988
  Replies (2) Good night (832) Bad night (955)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.

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  (419): take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball. http://tfl.nu/c4b7
  Replies (11) Good night (1951) Bad night (756)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.

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  (505): I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled. http://tfl.nu/wz50
  Replies (11) Good night (3023) Bad night (709)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.

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  (425): I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well. http://tfl.nu/ht79
  Replies (9) Good night (1277) Bad night (3794)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final

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  (970): i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final http://tfl.nu/shle
  Replies (34) Good night (1088) Bad night (5622)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.

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  (717): She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer. http://tfl.nu/9691
  Replies (7) Good night (3848) Bad night (1057)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.

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  (403): Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl. http://tfl.nu/u7lt
  Replies (22) Good night (4567) Bad night (1599)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.

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  (815): He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests. http://tfl.nu/wip0
  Replies (5) Good night (1442) Bad night (2751)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.

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  (561): I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree. http://tfl.nu/yxk6
  Replies (11) Good night (1608) Bad night (624)
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.

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  (254): Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst. http://tfl.nu/n2od
  Replies (9) Good night (1146) Bad night (842)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.

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  (760): I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death. http://tfl.nu/3p5q
  Replies (12) Good night (1388) Bad night (583)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!

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  (612): Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend? (701): In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing! http://tfl.nu/fqw2
  Replies (11) Good night (2154) Bad night (555)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.

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  (208): Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache. http://tfl.nu/ndot
  Replies (1) Good night (406) Bad night (531)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse

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  (914): The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse http://tfl.nu/jfot
  Replies (5) Good night (840) Bad night (408)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices

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  (615): I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices http://tfl.nu/572b
  Replies (6) Good night (437) Bad night (677)

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