as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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