Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
