I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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