Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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