I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
