I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
