We're facebook friends in real life
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
