I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
