The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
