NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You're like the curious george of whores
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
