that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
do herpes really smell.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
