I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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