i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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