don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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