Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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