I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
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I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
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We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
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