No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
