Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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