Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
