Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
