i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
