there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
