walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Randomize
