I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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