Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I checked into jail on foursquare
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
There's always time for handjobs
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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