it wasn't lemon gatorade
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Buhtt sex?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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