Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
